Connection to the (mother)land

a reflection on my home, this St David's Day

Dydd Gŵyl Dewi Hapus! Happy St David’s Day to you 🌼

The evening that I’m writing this, I checked my calendar and noticed that March was coming very quickly around the corner and it felt like a perfect moment to touch on a topic that has been on my mind for some time now. If you didn’t know (I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it here before!), I did my degree in human geography and so for four years I studied and wrote about connection to place. Even though I don’t technically ‘use’ my degree (whatever that means!), I still love to think about the ways that we connect to the physical space around us and how it impacts our lives. As I’ve moved a lot over the last 10 years and am living in a country where I am not a citizen yet, I’ve really dug deep into my own relationship with the land I live on and my mother land.

A year or so ago, I felt a deep sense of disconnection to Wales. I noticed how I would tell people that I didn’t think about the fact that I wasn’t American or that I didn’t feel different living here. While I don’t walk around every day feeling like an outsider, the truth is that I am different. I realised that I don’t need to fit in or forget where I’m from to be able to love this place, too. Which I really do. But I was really missing something. Wales felt like this far off place that only existed in my memories. I hadn't celebrated St David’s Day, Boxing Day, Pancake Day or any other British/Welsh tradition and I missed it. So much.

I had been avoiding thinking about and connecting to my homeland because there was so much grief there. Previously I’ve shared more around the grief of choosing to be here in the states and how I often get pulled into the escape hatch of imagining my many other, un-lived lives in the UK. Choosing to turn towards my sadness, longing, grief and love for my home has opened up so much connection and I’ve felt a deep curiosity emerge to learn more about the Wales that I am yet to experience.

Tenby, West Wales. May 2023

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(Mother)land

I’ve also been reflecting on connection to the land as Mother. During our trip back to Wales in January, I felt a connection to the landscape in a way that I hadn’t experienced before. I noticed how nourished I felt being outside, walking in the woods, soaking up the sunshine on my face as the frosty leaves crunched under my feet. Going outside each morning in fog as the sun rose, in my pyjamas but all bundled up in my Dad’s big coat felt so, so good. I’ve always loved going on walks and being outside but this time felt different. I was open to receive the nurture of nature in a way I didn’t know was possible. Connecting to the environment around me felt natural and easy. It had me wondering about how often I’m closed off (another way to say this is: in a dysregulated state, so the feeling of connection is really difficult to tune into) to truly receiving mothering from nature. The idea sounds beautiful and lovely but my own openness, my willingness to be with the parts of me and bring them to my experience of being in nature is what paves the way for deep connecting, safety and nurture. The land is my Mother too.

In one of the courses I’ve done with Sheryl Paul (one of my favourite teachers) she talks about this relationship to mother earth can fill in the gaps or lack from our own childhood experiences with our parents/caregivers. It feels particularly special to grow this connection as I’m moving towards motherhood and serving other women in their own mothering. This connection doesn’t depend on us, we don’t have to go anywhere or do anything special - just a glance out of our windows reconnects us to the ever present nourishment available at any moment. Like an ever loving, present mother who is attuned to us, nature is part of the web of support we create for ourselves.

On a walk in my home town, South Wales. June 2020

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St David’s Day

Dewi Sant lived in the 6th century in West Wales and founded a monastic community on the land that is now St Davids Cathedral (pictured below) in Pembrokeshire. St David was canonised by Pope Callixtus in the 12th Century and since then, we have celebrated St David’s Day. This day holds so many fun memories of dressing up as a Welsh lady for school and having our eisteddfod, where we’d share poems, art and music. We’d pin little leeks to our costumes and always bring home a bunch of vibrant yellow daffodils. I can’t help but smile as I remember so many sweet memories of singing on stage, writing poems and creating art for these celebrations.

St David’s Cathedral. September 2018

This St David’s Day I’m making some Bara Brith and Cawl for dinner, maybe I’ll also make some Welsh Cakes (recipe linked below) this week, too. I’ve been so curious about reading Welsh myths and folklore after coming across this book in a store in Bath during our trip. Judah and I spent the whole train ride home reading through it, learning how to pronounce the Welsh words properly.. we laughed a lot at our pretty poor attempts! The lovely folks working in the store suggested that I read The Assembly of the Severed Head by Hugh Lupton, so I’m starting that today too. I’ll be listening to Stereophonics (especially this song!!) which brings so much nostalgia and reminds me of driving in the car singing with my family.

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Also, I had to dig this out because I cannot watch this video of the national anthem without crying!! UGH! So good.

And this one..

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Thank you for coming along with me for this somewhat random collection of thoughts about Wales today, it was so fun to put together. I’m so grateful to be connected to this land and culture. I hope it inspires you to consider your own roots, how you connect with nature and where you might be able to open up even more to the nurture and mothering of your homeland.

Sending you love,

Em xx