On transitions and change in motherhood
and the ways they shine their light on the grief we carry
Spring time has arrived. The transition that nature is going through all around us, speaks to the inner and outer transitions of life that each of us go through. Our life is maybe just one continuous transition as time continues to pass each day, but we all feel the difference between the day to day changes and the bigger life altering ones that we inevitably experience.
Transitions always have a way of shining a light on the grief that we hold within us. Changes bring sadness, despite how much we are looking forward to what will come next. As motherhood is one of the most beautifully massive transitions we can go through on this earth, it makes sense that sadness and grief go hand in had with the pregnancy, birth and postpartum journey.
While there are a truly mind blowing amount of changes happening physically within the body during pregnancy and especially postpartum, I wanted to touch more on the emotional shifts and what the pathway to becoming a Mother brings. I know for so many, grief is woven into the tapestry of their mothering experience. Maybe you felt it the moment that you found out that you were pregnant, even though becoming a mother is something that you have longed for, for a very long time. You thought you would be filled with only joy and excitement, but instead you found yourself being washed by the waves of grief. I want to tell you: this makes sense and you are okay, there is no requirement for you to feel any sort of way and it is safe to feel everything that you do.
For most, the contrasting emotions of excitement and sadness feel kind of confusing and maybe even also carry some shame. While there is absolutely no reason to feel ashamed, because motherhood is such a tender space, I notice that there’s some interesting cultural stories around what we ‘should’ feel. This pressure only leads to a disconnection from self and for these emotions to persist, because what we ignore or push away will always find it’s way back up to the surface. I’ve talked about grief here a few times because I see just how stuck it can become when we don’t have a safe community where we can talk about our feelings (so we hide it) and also when sadness feels ‘too much’ for our bodies to process. I wrote about my gentle ritual for grief, which has been a powerful tool for me to reconnect to the emotions that flow through me and to give them a place to go that is outside of my body. If you’re interested in my grief ritual, here is that post:
Relearning that it’s safe to embody your grief also allows joy to come in fully. It’s funny because our instinct is often to push away grief and to chase joy, but it is in the surrender to them both that we get to experience joy, lightness, hope and gratitude in their depths. Joy is the gateway to gratitude, as Sheryl Paul says, and our grief is an invitation to be with ourselves in our totality: both the light and the heavy.
You aren’t alone in your experience.
What you feel, makes perfect sense.
You deserve to be seen and held, right where you are, exactly as you are.
You do not need to be fixed or changed.
Grief can belong here, too.
Sending you love and support,
Em x
If you are desiring a safe place to land and be held as you navigate your motherhood transitions, I would love to come alongside you to create that space together. If you’d like to hear more about my 1:1 offerings, I’d invite you to fill out the following form. I’m here for you.
beautifully written em, this is so true! this really resonated with me! i feel like i miss the old me some days, but i try to give myself some grace for this new version of me 🤍
It's so important that we hear this message Emily, that it's OK to feel the way we feel as mums. Letting ourselves feel all of the emotions ❤️.