We are the versions of ourselves that have walked through the years up until this moment and we are also carrying the essence of who we will become. We are many parts that make up one whole.
The feminine journey is one of spirals. We circle around, winding and unraveling into the truest form of who we’ve always been. Walking the path of maiden to mother to crone is not one where we suddenly shed our previous selves, never embodying her again. Instead it is a winding road of surrender, where we’re invited at each new transition to allow what once was to be celebrated, thanked and cherished as we boldly step into the maturity and grace of the next stage of womanhood.
We live in a culture that has lost touch with the rituals of transition and most of us no longer have the important guidance from older women as we develop from girl to woman. There is an empty space that was not filled with love and care, which often creates a lack of self-trust when it comes to our changing bodies and selves. We’ve been severed from our feminine roots through no fault of our own or the women who have gone before us, and there is an invitation to trace them again… to rediscover and learn, maybe for the first time, to give ourselves the love and care we’ve always needed.
This lack of mother guidance can create wounds that our maiden self carries. These wounds can show up in many different ways but are characterised by this ‘stuck’ feeling of wanting to move towards deeply embodying the Mother1, but also feeling scared of the unknown. It can be tempting to want to run away from our inner maiden, to push away the grief that comes when we sit with what we never received. The sadness feels overwhelming at times and we might feel like we have no idea what to do to support ourselves. In the book Maiden to Mother, Sarah Durham Wilson writes:
When you have no inner Mother,
Inside, you’re still just a little girl
trapped in a woman’s body.
Do you know that feeling?
I know it because I was her.
I was a little girl
Lost at sea
With no one
To watch over me.
Why don’t I know how to live my life?
Why don’t I have a map?
Why don’t I have a key?
It makes sense if this has been true for you. I want to tell you, the beautiful news is that it not too late for this young part of you, the inner maiden, to receive all that she needs to flourish into her full mature self.
While there is much talk about the wounds that our younger selves may carry, I also believe that it is so important to connect to our younger selves from this place of wonder and truth. Who are we apart from our pain? What might those parts of us have to teach us about who they really are, unburdened2 from their lack?
Who is our true, connected, embodied inner maiden?
The inner maiden in her most true self is a dreamer, a creative genius, she is full of energy and is free to play and rest, to show her beauty and gifts to the world. She brings spring energy that propels us forward with ease and lightness. She sees with innocence and purity. She is growing, shooting up from the earth with vigour and is ready to bloom for all to witness. She is admired, adored and cherished. She is a visionary who pulls ideas into being, saying yes to the adventure of creation and expression. She does not have to be left behind, creating a fragmented sense of self. She gets to come along for the ride and we may even find that she has some interesting and helpful things to say about our blooming womanhood.
I wonder, what wisdom does your inner maiden have to share with you? Is she longing to be integrated with your mother self? How does she feel about this transition that you’ve journeyed through? Here’s your invitation to spend some time with her.. with yourself.
A rooted, grounded womanhood is a natural product of us turning towards all of the different parts inside of us, to hear what they have to share so that we can give them what they need to express themselves in the way they’ve been designed to. As we dig deep into the soil of our being, we get to relearn again how to tend to our heart with compassion and gentleness. The mother in us knows that we will be okay, no matter what might be brought to the surface. Just as the flowers bloom when they receive the nurture they need, it is inevitable that we’ll also unfurl into who we are born to be when we offer ourselves the same tender care.
I’ll leave you with some questions to reflect on if you feel led to take some time to explore this further.
What does rooted motherhood mean to you? Where are you mothering in your life?
How might you begin to connect to your inner maiden: the fiery, creative, playful part of you?
How does the idea of reintegrating with your parts feel? Explore the emotions that this brings up for you, knowing that whatever waves might come, you are capable of navigating them.
What are you needing to deeply nourish yourself in this season of motherhood, whether you’re in pre-conception, pregnancy or postpartum?
Where do you feel resistance towards stepping into the responsibility of Mother? Are there spaces where you avoid mothering yourself and others because it feels ‘too much’ for the younger parts of you?
Sending you love,
Em xx
When I talk about Mother, it is more of an archetypal energy of mothering rather than being a mother of children. While that is part of mothering for some, there is an invitation for all of us to step into the Mother as we mature through our lives. It is about deeply embodying femininity and expressing your fully developed self in the world.
Internal Family Systems uses this language of unburdening our parts, and when we do so, they are free to take on a new role that is life giving for us and them.
A beautiful read, thank you Emily! Glad Lyndsay shared the post on notes so I could find it.
I reflected a lot on self-mothering last year and it’s a continuous journey. Having lost my mum to cancer as a teenager, connecting to the energy and the self- tending hasn’t come easy to me. I think it’s crucial before becoming a mama to little ones for me. X
Really enjoyed reading this Emily! These are threads i refer to often and i felt gitty reading someone else write ok this as well.
I recently realized that my Maiden missed DANCING. I dove into spotify and created a playlist of all epic throwbacks from my clubbing days. It was so fun to enter that energy again. IT was touching the part of My Maiden that was sexy and flirty and let her life force course through her body on the dance floor. She definetly wants more air time.
There is a thread on motherhood and sex that i’ve been feeling into, it hasnt fully dropped in so i havent written much about it yet, but i feel that it is connected to Maiden, just a much more integrated, grounded, raw iteration, or perhaps Evolution, of Maiden turned to Mother.
Thanks for the prompt to check in with my Maiden again.